We docked early in Puerto Vallarta — one of those glorious alongside ports where you can just stroll off the ship like you own the place. No tenders. No buses. No faff. Just a short walk down the gangway and straight into port day mode.
There is a giant blue Walmart visible from the ship. Not exactly charming, but wildly practical — and reportedly a firm crew favourite.
Into town (via minibus)
We grabbed a quick breakfast from the ships Horizon Lounge — the sort you hold in one hand while fumbling for sunglasses with the other — and off we went. Vendors were just setting up outside as we passed, hawking colourful textiles, t-shirts, and enough fridge magnets to tile a bathroom.
A short stroll later, we negotiated a $6 ride into downtown. It turned out to be a shared minibus, but we got lucky and departed almost immediately. Sometimes, you wait 20 minutes while folks barter and it gradually fills up. Not today, we were the last to board.
15-20 minutes later, we were dropped at a McDonald’s, which is both practical and weirdly strategic — it marks the start of the Malecón Boardwalk, our main target for the day.
Los Milenios at the start of the malecon boardwalk
Coastline view of the Malecon Boardwalk
The Malecón: Where art meets ocean (and joggers)
The Malecón is a 12-block, pedestrian-only promenade that stretches along the seafront. Locals love it, tourists flock to it, and honestly — it lives up to the hype. On one side: waves crashing, pelicans soaring, and the occasional sand sculpture. On the other: a rotating gallery of statues and surrealist bronze figures that range from whimsical to what did I just look at.
One of the most famous pieces is The Boy on the Seahorse — a beloved local symbol that has survived storms, been swept to sea, and still returns to his post like the sea-loving icon he is.
The Boy on the Seahorse (1976) Francisco Rafael Zamarripa Castañeda
The Malecón itself dates back to the 1930s, but it got a major facelift in the early 2010s. It’s now fully pedestrianised, which makes wandering it feel like a very scenic art crawl, minus the pretension. We even spotted a few locals jogging — brave souls, considering the heat.
‘En busca de la razón‘ or ‘in search of reason’ by Sergio Bustamante (2000)
We admired the hillside homes from afar (Puerto Vallarta is famous for its steep, colourful neighbourhoods), but left the climbing to the goats. Our legs were on holiday too.
The super steep hills of Puerto Vallarta.
Beaches, Boats & Brunch
We made it as far as Los Muertos Pier — a dramatic, sail-like structure that looks suspiciously like a Bond villain’s dock — and took in views of the bay, dotted with small boats ferrying people to and from nearby beaches.
Folks getting on and off small boats on the pier.
Coastline view from Los Muertos Pier.
Afterwards, we did the sensible thing and found brunch. Food, drinks, and shade. I regret nothing.
From there, we wandered near Isla Cuale — home to a flea market that sprawls under lush trees and across a tiny island in the middle of the Cuale River. It’s peaceful, a little chaotic, and yes, there are signs warning about crocodiles. Because they live here. Casually. In the middle of town. (They even had one sunbathing near a restaurant a few years ago.)
Isla Cuale, beware of the Crocs and crocodiles.
One church, one clown, and a slight buzz
Feeling vaguely safer back on dry, reptile-free land, we headed for Parroquia de Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe — the Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe. It’s a gorgeous landmark, with a crown-topped tower that mixes neoclassical, baroque, and just a bit of Mexican whimsy. The bell tower was actually rebuilt after an earthquake in the ’90s. In 2009, Carlos Terres, a Jaliscan artist, sculptured and rebuilt a replacement for the crown.
Parroquia de Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe — the Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Final stop: Señor Frog’s. I know, I know — but hear me out. The guacamole was made fresh at the table, the cocktails were strong (and slightly alarming in colour), and then… the clown arrived.
A balloon-twisting clown appeared uninvited and proceeded to make Ben a hat. I have no words. But I do have a photo.
The creepy clown and his impressive hat skills.
Final thoughts
We Uber’d back to the port — slightly tipsy, very warm, and completely sold on Puerto Vallarta. It’s the kind of place that doesn’t just look good in photos — it feels good to wander around. Lively, artistic, a little chaotic in the best way, and just weird enough to stay interesting.
We didn’t stay late (the ship was leaving at 4pm and they famously don’t wait for you), but everything about the town makes you want to come back. The nightlife looks seriously fun. Until next time, Vallarta.
Absolutely fabulous! I loved reading this and the photos are fantastic.
Thanks Michelle! That’s really kind of you, I really appreciate the comment 🙌